The One Time We Got Lost in Bangkok

'Dis way! Dis way!' the tuk-tuk driver yelled at us as he took a corner going well over the speed limit. The three-wheeled motorcycle squealed with protest as we shifted our weight in the direction the driver motioned and somehow whipped around the corner without overturning.

The other tuk-tuk team.

'This is INSANE!' I screamed.

'We're going to die!' Someone else shouted over the blare of the motor.As we shot between two hot pink Bangkok-style taxis the driver shifted gears and raced ahead to catch up with the tuk-tuk carrying our friends. 'Why did we tell him to race the other driver?'

'Because we want to WIN!!!' I yelled, followed by a half scream that turned into a shrill laugh of panic as we took another corner. 'Go go go!' I encouraged as we made the corner, flying past the other tuk-tuk. The motor noise was deafening, along with the wind blowing past at a bajillion miles and hour. We were on a vehicle that would never pass any street-worthy standards in the western world, and the whole ride was only costing the group two US dollars!

Convinced that another block of racing each other would end badly, I began voicing this concern when we joltingly slowed and pulled into a parking lot. Without hesitation, I rushed to untangle myself from the jumble of arms and legs around me. Finally on my own two feet I looked around and realized we were out in the middle of nowhere. The only other white people around were my friends and the locals were all looking at us strangely. To be fair, we were trying to find a bar across the street from a 7-Eleven, miles from downtwon Bangkok. The only problem is that there are over 5,000 7-Elevens in the city and none of us were too sure that this particular store in front of us was the correct one. Within a kilometer in either direction there were at least eight or nine of the mini marts. So, like all smart tourists, we walked in circles for nearly a half hour before asking for directions.

Waving a small square of paper around with Connor's friend's VERY bad directions written on it, I was able to attract the attention of a lovely young Thai woman who spoke broken English. After reading the paragraph of directions and the two or three words we had gotten translated into Thai, she shrugged, looked up, and mentioned it was going to rain, 'very hard, very soon'. We took note and then stood helplessly as nearly every Thai within earshot took his/her turn in trying to help us figure out where we were trying to go. When it became clear that a) the directions were absolutely useless, and b) it really was going to rain soon, we cautiously followed a middle-aged Thai man into a less than dodgy alley. 

Rain and dark alley lights didn't stop
 this badminton match!

Once in the alley, the man (who had a brilliantly friendly smile, as do most Thai's) proceeded to take a bottle of Thai rum out of his mobile bar and poured the lot of us a round of double-shots. As the shots went down the sky opened up and torrential sheets of rain drenched the sidewalk in front of us. Realizing we were not going anywhere until the storm passed, we settled in to teach the locals a few drinking games. Playing cards turned into playing badminton and before we knew it, the rain had stopped and the contents of the rum bottle were gone. A helpful local insisted we have her brother drive us to where the crew of street vendors and shop keepers had concluded we needed to be. Our group, deciding that things would have already gone bad if the locals meant us any harm, tried to pay the mobile-bar man (he refused to take our money) before piling into a plush 15-seater van.

We drove for some time before the young Thai pulled over in front of a very hip looking bar full of Thai university students. Connor jumped out, surveyed the scene, and announced, 'This is the place!' We enthusiastically cheered, thanked the van driver profusely and stumbled out. Once we began crossing the street Connor admitted, 'Guys, I have no clue where we are or who is inside there, but I felt bad so I told the dude driving us we were at the right place.' At that point I don't think any of us cared!

The taxi ride back to Bangkok

Once inside the bar we were informed that only entire bottles of whiskey or vodka were available for purchase - so we got a few of each. Soon an Australian couple joined our posse and we closed down the place. Anna, one of the Aussies, had been living in the city for some time and suggested she escort us back to our accommodation. We convinced the cabbie to let all seven of us ride together and, crammed in like sardines, we raced back to the city. 

The rest of the evening is a bit foggy. Buckets (take a cocktail and super-size it) were consumed, dancing was done, and I believe I made a few phone calls to the States. By the time we made it back to the hotel, sunlight was streaming through the windows. Yes, the hangover was severe, and no, Connor did not catch me on video praying to the toilet gods (regardless to what he may claim or have evidence of)! It was a highly entertaining, if not slightly irresponsible night, but in the end we were all safe and sound in our beds... if not a bit worse for wear!

Fun Fact: Bangkok is actually just a westernized version of the city's Thai name which is (get ready): Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit