The One With The Car Manual…In Japanese

Tonight was one of those once in a blue moon nights where the strangest things happen.

It all began toward closing time when a very Irish woman with a very colorful vocabulary ordered a latte then asked, “Do I look like someone who has AIDS?”. Really though?! Who asks that??? And not only did she ask a perfect stranger a very awkward question, but she said it as casually as someone would ask if we could add extra shots of espresso to drinks.

Three hours later I found myself with my two mates Meghan (a Canadian) and Patrick (my hilariously gay Kiwi friend) outside of Ferburger –a world famous burger joint that caters to all the drunken tourists until the wee hours of the morning. Only tonight, there weren’t actually any burgers to be had. What kind of burger joint (and a supposed world famous one at that) doesn’t have their main entrée? I settled for a bag of french-fries, then proceeded to help the poor girl working the front counter yell out order numbers to the drunken lot stumbling around shouting incoherent things at one another. For my troubles she rewarded me with a tiny cup of ketchup – enough for about six fries, which had I paid for, would’ve cost me 50 CENTS (an entire bottle of ketchup costs $1.40 here)!

After our non-burger Ferburgers, I had the brilliant idea of putting transmission fluid into my car (keep in mind it is close to midnight at this point). The three of us debated which container to pour the fluid into for about twenty minutes, and then tried enlisting the help of four or five very unhelpful young men before finally consulting the car manual. “Does anyone speak Japanese?” I asked while flipping through the booklet written in several languages – all of them beyond my comprehension. Patrick, ever politically correct said, “I think someone at Ferburger speaks Asian.” I didn’t bother embarrassing myself enough to ask if someone spoke “Asian” inside the beefless burger bar.

Finally, I lucked out enough to have two extremely helpful taxi drivers come and save the day! I was astonished by how amazingly sincere and obliging the two were. Within a few minutes my transmission was raring to go and the Taxi man had run back to his car to give me wet wipes to clean up my hands. What a gentleman! Just another example of why I love Kiwi’s!

After getting to Meghan’s house well past midnight the three of us agreed to have a sleepover. As I began emptying things from my pockets, I noticed something in the extra cargo pocket. Throwing a confused look at Meghan I pulled out what turned out to be a car key. Who’s car key I have no idea, and I’m even more clueless as to how it got into my shorts pocket. Too tired to do anything but laugh about it, I proclaimed we would turn the case into Unsolved Mysteries and wait out the owner.

-Ashley

FUN FACT: Flight of the Concords – a New Zealand produced comedy, is the best show created since Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Check it out and be prepared to laugh! "You're so beautiful, you could be a part-time model!"